In Real Life
by kicksenselessmydefenses
Summary: Beck and Jade have been together forever, but how did they start dating in the first place? Has Jade always been this mean, or is there an underlying reason for it? And when Tori Vega first shows up to take Hollywood Arts by storm, how did Jade really feel about that? Bade! I love music, so title is a Demi Lovato song, and each chapter's named after a Paramore song. ON HIATUS
1. Hello, Hello

**_Chapter 1:_**

**_Hello, Hello_**

* * *

_"I opened up my life to you."_

* * *

The first thing you need to know is, I don't like telling stories.

As an actress, I know that has to sound like a weird thing to say. But it's true. I'd much rather tell someone else's story than my own. I like the predictability of being in plays, with everything all planned out, going according to the script and cues, and ending in a way that's usually sickening but pretty satisfying at the same time. I wish life could be like that, always beginning and ending in the same bland, uniform way, with all imaginable bumps in the road smoothly paved over to a nice conclusion at the end of the two hour, fifteen minute runtime (including intermission).

The theater had always seemed to create a safe place for me, a way to escape the little day-to-day things that worked their way under my skin and pissed me off to no end. It was my home away from home, protecting me inside myself, letting me cast aside my persona and be someone else, anyone else, at least for a little while. But safe places like that can only work for so long, you know? Eventually, the past will catch up to you. God knows I know that better than anyone.

Shakespeare once said, "All the world's a stage...", and I'm here to tell you that's bullshit.

Real life is absolutely nothing like a play. It's messy and unpredictable and painful and, sometimes, people get hurt.

But, ultimately, it is what it is, and, unfortunately, I have to live it, stumbling my way through it, even though I definitely didn't sign up for this. Any of this. These past two years have been a mess, with all the trouble I caused, and I could have easily burned every bridge I ever built and incinerated myself in the process.

Yet, here I am. I made it through the flames. Sure, I got scorched a couple of times, but I'm still here, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

My name is Jade West, and chances are good that you don't like me. I don't blame you. I know I'm not the nicest person in the world.

Like I said, I don't like telling stories, but I do know that this one needs to be told. And who better to do that than the person who was at the center of it all?

* * *

**Author's Note: **Interested? Yes? No?

I've been wanting to write a Victorious fanfic for awhile, and so I came up with the premise for this one. It's going to be another multichap.

Each chapter is going to be named after a Paramore song and will have a lyric from that song at the beginning. Just because I love music and I think that would be a fun way to go about this.

Review, please, and let me know if this is something you'd be interested in me continuing.


	2. Careful

_**Chapter 2:**_

_**Careful**_

* * *

_"You can't be too careful anymore."_

* * *

If you're reading this, I suppose that means that you've decided that my story's worth reading. It is, trust me. I guess I'm going to have to start my story at the beginning of my sophomore year, when I first transferred in. I was just sixteen years old, nothing but a tenth grader, all bright eyed and full of excitement about getting into Hollywood Arts. I was pretty much exactly the kind of person I've come to hate. But hey, when you've spent so long having absolutely nothing to feel good about, getting into a school like this is a pretty big deal. It really does a lot for you.

I walked into school one day, running pretty late because the idiots at Starbucks had put regular milk instead of soy in my coffee. I had watched them make my order and had seen them put the wrong milk in, and had to insist that I needed soy instead of regular. It took about five full minutes of arguing with the barista before she'd admit that she'd made a mistake, and then she had gotten all offended when I'd had the nerve to ask her to remake it. She acted like I was putting them to such trouble, sending me to the side so I wouldn't hold up the line, then glaring at me and sighing as she made me a fresh cup, but you know, if she had just made it right in the first place, it wouldn't have been a problem. I'm sorry that insisting that I get what I ordered ruined her life so badly. If I could have just taken the wrong coffee and drank it anyway, I would have. It's not like it's my fault that I'm lactose intolerant. I didn't really want to spend the day puking my guts out. After all, I'd had a big monologue to present in Sikowitz's class that day, and I really wanted to get there on time so that I could go over my lines one more time before the bell rang. But, unfortunately, that horse got shot in the face thanks to the milk fiasco, and so I was charging down the hall to the classroom, clomping my boots into the floor and trying to keep a hold on my cup on my way.

I had been so wrapped up in getting to class that I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going, and so, as I rounded the corner, I ran directly into into a boy. Hard. I mean, I crashed into that guy. My hard-won coffee flew from my hand, spilling all over the floor, and we both slipped in it and lost our balance. With only his bookbag to break his fall, I fell down on top of him, my elbow landing in his chest and knocking the air out of his lungs.

"Oh, God, damn it, I'm so sorry!" I said as I struggled to my feet. "I really didn't mean to do that. I was just in a hurry, and I wasn't even paying attention. I'm so sorry, man."

By this time, he had gotten up as well, and I could see that he had coffee dripping from his hair. I felt my eyes widen as he looked at me, and I swallowed hard. Oh my God, I hadn't flattened just anyone in my stampede, not just some behind-the-scenes nobody. No, I had knocked down Beck Oliver, one of the best actors in our grade, not to mention one of the most attractive.

"I-" I stuttered.

He held up a hand to cut me off, smiling and raking his fingers through his damp hair. "It's cool, Jade. Shit happens, you know? No worries." He bent down and picked up my script. I had forgotten that I'd been carrying it. I must have dropped it when we fell. "You're presenting for Sikowitz today, right?"

All I could do was nod. Like I said, he was one of the best and brightest at Hollywood Arts; the golden boy, revered by all. I couldn't believe he knew we had a class together, much less that he knew my name. I'd never been speechless before, but I sure as hell was now.

"Cool. I can't wait to see what you do with this," he continued, gesturing toward the script. "But can I give you some advice?" I nodded again. Damn it, Jade, pull yourself together before you make him think you're a bobblehead. "Loosen up. You always look so terrified whenever you're up there, like you think we're all going to start pointing and laughing at you. You need to have some more confidence, Jade. You're more talented than you know. Trust me." He handed me my script, then offered me his arm. "Come on, I'll walk you to class."

And so we continued down the hall together, my cup of coffee laying forgotten in the middle of the floor.

* * *

"Nice work, Jade. You're really starting to show some improvement!" Sikowitz called after me as I left the classroom and headed toward my locker. I couldn't help but smile to myself. I wasn't a conceited person in the least, but I did know when I'd done well, and that day, I definitely had. I had practiced that monologue so many times, I could probably have recited it in my sleep. Plus, there was the added bonus of Beck staring me down the entire time, smiling at me at every high point of my performance.

Why was he being so nice to me? I wondered as I shoved a book into my locker. It was weird. I wasn't nice to anyone, really. I wasn't one of those people that automatically liked everyone until they gave me a reason not to; no, I was one of those that automatically _hated _everyone until they gave me a reason to _like _them. I pulled out a different book and stuck it in my messenger bag, then grabbed my lunch money off of another shelf. I had good reason, after all; all those girls that I had gone to middle school with had made my life a living hell, and I wasn't about to just idly trust people again. I knew what it felt like to be hurt, and believe me, it didn't feel good at all.

"Jade!" I heard a voice behind me call. No. It couldn't be.

I turned around slowly to see Beck standing there. I cocked an eyebrow at him, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see the light glinting off of the stud in it as I did so. What could he possibly want?

"What?" I asked. It came out rougher, bitchier than I had intended, but whatever. Once words are out, you can't take them back. I see no point in stressing over them.

He sidled up beside me and ran a fingertip over the handles of one of the many pairs of scissors embedded in my locker door. "Nice," he chuckled under his breath. I felt myself tense up. I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, and it bothered me; I happened to be pretty damn proud of my locker. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to stick scissors through a solid sheet of metal? Let me give you a clue: it isn't easy, and you cut yourself a lot. I have the scars on my fingers to prove it.

I couldn't help but be suspicious of him. "Look, Beck, what do you want?" I crossed my arms and glared at him, bracing myself.

He looked at me with his chocolate eyes full of bewilderment, and I did feel kind of bad for snapping at him. "Look, chill, okay? I just wanted to say that I thought you did a great job with your presentation today. I liked the scene you chose. The monologue about standing up to a bully? I really liked the emotion you put into it. That's difficult to do. I believed it when you performed. With that script, it's easy to underdo it, make it feel like it's not real, but I didn't get any of that from you. It was like... like you lived it."

I felt my muscles relax and I uncrossed my arms. "That's because I did," I mumbled, before I could stop myself.

"What?"

"Nothing." I breathed. I didn't believe in wishing you could take words back, but I definitely hadn't meant to say that. That wasn't something I was ready to talk about with anyone, much less this boy who had been a perfect stranger to me up until this morning.

He furrowed his eyebrows at me. "I thought you said-"

"Well, I didn't say anything, okay? You must be hearing things. Go get your ears checked." With that, I slammed my locker shut, turned on the heel of my boot, and stomped away, leaving Beck dumbfounded, with one finger still touching the handles of that pair of scissors in the door.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Like it? Yes? No? :)

I plan on really ramping up the angst and romance pretty soon. Plus, it's going to be Bade. Who doesn't love Bade?

As always, reviews are welcome and appreciated!


	3. crushcrushcrush

_**Chapter 3:**_

_**crushcrushcrush**_

* * *

"_I noticed your eyes are always glued to me."_

* * *

Throughout that week, even after our awkward conversation after class and my little slip-up outside my locker, I had noticed that Beck had clearly been trying to get my attention, smiling at me in class, casually walking beside me in the hallway, and even bringing me coffee one day, complete with soy milk instead of regular. I couldn't really tell if he was just trying to be nice, or if something else was going on, and I didn't feel like wasting my life trying to figure that out, so I pretty much just ignored him. I didn't exactly have the time or patience to get caught up in bugging about the underlying meaning of his actions. That was just such a... a _girl _thing, and even though I loved being a female and everything that went along with it, I did happen to take pride in my ability to just shrug things off and not stress about them. After all, I'd spent so long doing the exact opposite, constantly worrying about what people thought of me and getting hurt so easily, that when I'd finally learned how to let things roll off my back, I wasn't about to let go of that.

He was persistent, though. I had to give him that, but even so I was pretty good at slipping away and avoiding him, so it wasn't until about two weeks after our coffee-soaked fall in the hallway that he finally managed to corner me during lunch. I had just bought myself a wrap from Festus's truck in the Asphalt Cafe, and I was tucking my change into my skirt pocket when he came out of nowhere and swooped in beside me, casually leaning against the truck on one arm.

"Hey, Jade," he began, running a hand through his thick hair. "How goes it?"

I stared down at the wrap in my hands, watching moisture bead up on the inside of the plastic box. I wasn't sure of what move I should make, but I was determined not to give him the satisfaction of looking him in the eye. "I'm fine. You?" I asked. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

"Good, good," He drummed his fingers in some random rhythm on the metal of the truck. "Pretty busy with rehearsal and stuff, you know."

Normally, a statement like that would have irritated me, kept me seething for days. It would have made me feel like whoever was saying it was just doing it to try and show off about the fact that they had a part in a play and I didn't. But, when Beck said it, I didn't get that same vibe. With him, there was no showing off at all. It was just a statement of fact, said as easily as something like "It's raining" or "I heard we have a pop quiz today".

As much as I hated to admit it, he was making it harder and harder to not like him.

"Rehearsal, huh?" I asked, sliding the plastic box containing my food into my bag. I crossed my arms before finally looking up at him, eyeing him carefully. He was difficult to read, and I didn't really like that. I wanted to know what made him tick. "Sounds pretty cool."

He let out a short laugh and stood up straight before crossing his arms, too. "Yeah. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about- I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out after school sometime, run lines with me?"

I exhaled slowly through my teeth, raising an eyebrow at him. "I-"

"I could really use some help getting my part down. There are still some lines that are giving me trouble," he continued, cutting me off, "And I was just hoping that you could." He looked at me, and must have seen some of the confusion and distrust in my face, because he turned red for a minute and then started to stutter. "I- I mean, you just did such a good job in your monologue the other week, I thought that maybe you could give some insight into the script. Maybe give me some pointers. But- you don't have to if you don't want to-" he stammered, gripping one of the straps on his bookbag.

I stifled a chuckle, forcing it back down my throat. I had to admit, I was kind of enjoying seeing smooth Beck Oliver lose his cool in front of me. But after a few moments of watching him hem and haw and struggle for words, I decided to put him out of his misery. "I'd be glad to help you, Beck," I said evenly.

He let out a breath and finally relaxed his death grip on his bag. I could see the blood going back into his white knuckles. Did I really make him that uneasy? Hmm. Weird. "Fantastic."

* * *

The next day, we had agreed to meet in the black box theater after school to rehearse. So, after the final bell, I went to my locker, quickly collected my things, and headed there.

When I arrived, peeking through the door, I could see that he was already there, deep in rehearsal, shouting lines at an invisible character. I tried to creep in quietly so I wouldn't disturb him, but my beloved combat boots made a loud thunk on the wooden floor with each step I took. He heard me crashing around and turned to face me, his face breaking into a smile.

"Jade!" He exclaimed, tossing his script on a chair and approaching me. "How are you?"

I shoved my hands in my pockets, fiddling with the hems on the insides and worrying the threads between my fingers. "I'm good. You?"

"Doing well," he said, still grinning from ear to ear. "Glad you could make it."

"Well, I said I'd be here, didn't I?" I snapped. His smile faltered for just a moment, but he quickly regained it. Damn, what was his deal? It was like I could do no wrong!

"Yeah, I guess you did," he chuckled, rubbing his chin. "Anyway, do you want to get right down to it?"

"Yeah, I guess," I replied, scuffing the toe of my boot on the floor. "What do you want to do? Just lines, or did you want to run through it with blocking, too?"

"I have my blocking down," he said, walking upstage and grabbing his discarded script. "So, if it's okay with you, I'd just like to run lines today."

"That's fine." I took the script from him and took a seat in the house. He grabbed a stray chair and dragged it over before straddling it so that he was facing me.

"Okay, ready?" I asked. I started flipping to the first page of the scene.

"Ready," he replied. He stopped me at a particular part of the scene. "Can we run this first? That's the part I'm really having some trouble with."

"Whatever. That's fine. Okay, you have the first line, so go."

He looked up at me with his chocolate eyes before beginning to speak:

"'If I profane with my unworthiest hand  
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:  
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand  
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.'"

I took a deep breath and began reading the next lines. "'Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,  
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;  
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,  
And palm to palm is holy lover's kiss.'"

I exhaled. Holy mother of God, he was making me read a scene from Romeo and Juliet with him, one of the most romantic plays ever written. How was I supposed to play this all cool? Okay, relax, Jade, just relax. You're only running lines.

Beck eyed me carefully before beginning his next line. "'Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?" he asked.

"'Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.'" I replied.

"'O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;  
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.'" He ran a hand through his hair.

I twirled a pink strand of my own hair around my finger before speaking again. "'Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."

"'Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.  
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.'"

I was breathing really weirdly now, I noticed. A weird gasping noise was escaping from my mouth. Oh my God, Jadelyn West, what is wrong with you? Get it together! "'Then have my lips the sin that they have took.'"

And before I had time to react, Beck Oliver leaned over the back of the chair he sat on, tipped my chin up, and kissed me.

"'Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!'" he murmured. I could feel the vibrations of his voice against my lips. "'Give me my sin again.'"

And then, just as unexpectedly as the first time, he kissed me again.

"'You kiss by the book.'" I choked out.

The script fell to the floor and the chair he sat on tipped over with a crash as he stood up. I barely noticed the noise, my heart was beating so fast. He sat down beside me, so close our thighs were touching, and started running one of his perfect hands through my long hair, smiling as he gently tugged on one of the colored streaks.

And before I knew what was happening or what I was doing, I was in his lap, arms around his neck, our lips sinning together just like Romeo and Juliet.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Oooh! Some Bade action in this chapter, hmm? :)

There'll be plenty more of that to come, and also more of Jade's backstory. I have a lot planned for this. You'll want to know what's going to happen.

As always, reviews are welcome and appreciated!


	4. Decode

_**Chapter 4:**_

_**Decode**_

* * *

"_There is something I see in you."_

* * *

I was the first to break our kiss.

Once I came back to myself and realized what I was doing, I broke away from him so quickly, I started to fall over backwards. I tried to flail around a little bit to keep myself from completely wiping out, but our legs were tangled together so haphazardly that getting my balance back on my own was impossible.

Beck looked almost amused while he watched me struggle. I could have sworn he was biting back a laugh. I continued to thrash and tip, my combat boots clunking loudly and uselessly on the chair in front of me, until he finally reached over and placed a hand firmly in the small of my back, easily swinging me back up into a sitting position. Breathless, I rested my head on his shoulder, pressing my forehead into his neck, my right hand tightly gripping the lapel of his leather coat. He kissed my hair and snaked his arms around my waist, holding me so close against him that I could feel his ribcage contracting with each breath he took.

"Beck, I..." I began, but my voice faltered, petering out like a leaky faucet. I cleared my throat angrily, determined to get these words out. "Look, you- you don't have to pretend with me, okay? I'll be more than happy to run lines with you, quiz you, do anything to help you get them down. I just don't want you to feel like you have to keep up this- this charade of liking me just so I'll help you."

His grip on my waist tightened slightly.

"Jade," he sighed. "I-"

"It's okay, Beck," I continued, cutting him off. "Don't worry about-"

"Sh." he said, gently pressing a finger against my mouth. "Just hush. Okay?"

I nodded.

He ran his finger over my lips, tracing over my cheek before cupping my jaw in his hand, fingers lacing into my hair.

"Jade," he began again, "I didn't just ask you here to run lines. That's not what this is about."

He started rubbing his thumb in little circles on my temple, which was kind of unexpected, but it actually felt really, really good.

"If I'd just wanted to work on the play, I could have asked anyone- Andre, Cat, Sinjin- hell, even Robbie. But I didn't. I asked you. And do you know why?"

I shook my head. "No."

He smiled slightly. "I asked you because ever since that day you presented your monologue in Sikowitz's class, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind. You're so talented."

I felt my face start to blush. I shook my head just a little bit, casting my eyes downward.

"No, I mean it, Jade. Honestly, I don't think you have any idea just how good you are. And not only that, you're gorgeous- you have beautiful hair, and perfect skin, and the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. Plus, I love the way you don't seem to care what anyone thinks about you- you march to the beat of your own drum. You don't give a damn about pleasing anyone but yourself. All of those things are what makes you different. You stand out in the crowd, even in this school full of people who are constantly trying so desperately to be unique. Nothing seems forced with you. That's what's so incredible about you; you're so effortlessly intriguing, and you're all I can think about, and _that's _why I asked you to help me with my lines. So I could have an excuse to see you more. This was never about pretending anything with you, or trying to trick you just so you'd help me. I wanted to get to know you better."

He seemed embarrassed after his little outburst, biting his lip and shaking his hair out of his face. As for me, I was speechless.

We sat silently for a minute, both of us too embarrassed to really look at each other.

I felt a cramp in my hand, and I noticed that I was still clinging to the collar of Beck's jacket. I pulled away, grimacing in discomfort as I started stretching out my stiff fingers. Beck reached up and took my hand in his, starting to carefully massage all of the kinks out of it. I sighed a little bit. I couldn't help it. It felt really good.

"Beck?"

"Hmm?" he replied. He was still working my hand, a lock of hair falling over his furrowed brow as he gently pressed his thumbs into my palm.

"Everything you just said- did you really mean all that?" I asked.

He glanced up at me quizzically. "Of course I did. Why do you ask?"

I exhaled, puffing out my lips. "It's just- I'm not used to people being so nice with me. I figured that if you said all that, you had to be kidding."

Beck shook his head. "No, I wasn't kidding. I meant every word of it. Why would you think I made it up? Have I done something to make it hard for you to trust me?"

He hit an especially tense spot in my hand, and I winced a little. "Ow."

"Sorry." He pulled my hand closer to him and pressed his lips to the sore spot. "Better?"

I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah."

"So," he began again, drumming his fingertips against my palm, "Like I was saying, why didn't you believe me? Did I do something?"

"No, it's nothing _you _did," I said slowly, plucking at a stud on my belt.

"Then what is it?" he pleaded, looking up at me with his puppy dog eyes.

I chewed on the corner of my lip. What to do. Tell him? If I did, that would definitely be a weight off my chest. Make me feel a lot better. But then again, we barely knew each other. Maybe that was too much to throw on him just yet.

"I don't know if you really want to know. It was a long time ago. It's- it's nothing."

"Clearly it's not nothing, Jade. Tell me. It's okay."

_It's okay. _Two words. Seven letters. Seemingly insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But in the right place, at the right time, they had the power to break down every single wall I had spent so long building up.

"It's okay, Jade," he repeated, cradling my hand in his.

The walls were gone. I'd never felt so vulnerable. I could have run right then, run away, slammed the door and never looked back. But instead, I stayed. I relaxed. I let Beck hold my hand and pull me close.

"Tell me."

I exhaled deeply.

"Okay."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yeah, so... a little more Bade action in this chapter, with plenty more to come!

What do you guys think Jade has to tell Beck? If you want to know, stay tuned for the next chapter! Miss Jade West is definitely going to have a LOT to say.

As always, reviews are welcome and appreciated! :)


	5. For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

_**Chapter 5:**_

_**For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic.**_

* * *

"_I never wanted to say this."_

* * *

That was it, then. I had to tell him- it was too late to go back now.

In retrospect, I guess I could have just made something up. But then again, even though I'm good at being characters- you know, playing other people, using myself to tell a story- I'm actually a horrible liar. It's sort of ironic.

Anyway, at this point, I didn't see any other choice except to be completely honest with him.

And the thought of that completely terrified me.

I think Beck could kind of pick up on that, too, because he didn't push any further. He just sat cradling me in his lap, tangling his fingers in mine, waiting patiently for me to relax to the point where I could begin. He's pretty intuitive. It's funny to me how a lot of people think that he's this just this distant, quiet, maybe even dumb guy who just happens to be ridiculously handsome and a good actor. Too many people judge a book by its cover- trust me, I should know.

I felt my eyes start to burn in the corners, and I swallowed hard, determined to keep myself together. This was going to be hard enough without me going all soft. I dropped my head, pressing my chin firmly to my chest so I could feel my heart beat against my skin, a constant, pulsating reminder that I was alive. After everything, I was alive.

Beck lightly traced his thumb over my knuckles, eyeing me with concern.

Argh. That look just made me feel even weaker, like I was falling to pieces already when I hadn't even said a word.

I really, really didn't want to do this.

"Jade?"

I peeked up at Beck through the colored strands of hair that had fallen across my face like ribbons. "What?"

"We- uh- we don't have to do this now, if you aren't okay with it. We can just drop it, if you'd like. Go get coffee or something."

Coffee? Oh, yes- wait. No. Not now. More important matters to attend to.

I shook my head. "Ugh. No. Gotta just go ahead and it over with. Like ripping off a Band-Aid."

He nodded.

I took a deep breath, then blew it out. "Okay, so... I haven't always lived here. You know that, right?"

He shook his head. "No. I just assumed you were from here."

I smiled. "Ha. No. I was born in Nevada, and we lived there when I was younger. When I was, like, eight or nine, that's when my dad's company transferred him to California. So, the summer before fourth grade, we packed up everything and moved here. I was pretty excited about it. I thought that living here would be fun and glamorous, you know, like they show it in the movies. I was convinced that I would see celebrities on the daily and get to do all these fun things."

I paused to glance at him, to make sure that his eyes weren't glazed over and he wasn't already bored to death. He was watching me intently, with interest.

"So you moved here when you were a little kid?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Just making sure I'm on the same page. Keep going."

I sighed. "Okay. So, anyway, I thought that living here would be really cool, right? Yeah. So I was super excited to start school and make new friends. I thought that everything would fall right into place and be like a fairy tale, something to tell to my adoring fans one day when I was famous. I spent two weeks shopping with my mom to get new school stuff, clothes and all that, and the night before school started I could barely sleep, I was so excited. I kept getting out of bed to unpack and repack my bookbag. God, I was in love with that stupid thing. It was bright purple and had leopard print on it, and I had these Lisa Frank notebooks and pencils that matched it." I laughed a little.

"What?" Beck asked.

"Oh," I replied, biting back another chuckle, "I was just thinking about all of it. I remember it just like it was yesterday. I just couldn't sleep that night, so I stayed up until eleven sharpening every last one of my pencils until they were super pointy and writing 'Property of Miss Jadelyn Alexandra West' on each of those cheap, flimsy spiral-bound notebooks."

Beck bit the corner of his lower lip, like he was thinking hard, then broke into a smile. "I can picture that."

"Yeah. I was quite the little perfectionist. Anyway, the next day I got up super early and put on my favorite school dress- yes, Beck, I used to wear dresses every day, stop that damned snickering- it was navy blue and had daisies printed on it. I wore that, and navy socks and white Keds to match. I got my mom to put my hair in pigtails with yellow elastics that were the same shade as my daisies. And before I walked to the bus stop, I grabbed my new lunchbox- it was purple, just like my bookbag. And just as I went out the door, my mom caught me and gave me a hug and said 'I love you, Jadey. Be good today.' And then I left, and literally skipped down the sidewalk to the bus stop."

"Jesus, Jade, how do you remember all that?" Beck asked, his brown eyes widening.

I shrugged. "I have a photographic memory."

"Really?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes! God! Plus that day was super important. I don't forget things that are important to me. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay, gotcha."

"So," I continued, "When the bus came, I got on it, and when I went to sit down, I knew immediately that I was all wrong. As soon as I started walking down the aisle, the other girls started putting their bags in the seats next to them, so I couldn't sit anywhere, and whispering to each other, pointing at me and snickering. I had on a dress; they had on capris and jelly sandals. I had a bright purple backpack; they had Vera Bradley messenger bags. All I wanted was to just turn around, run off the bus and go home and change, but I had to stay on. No one would let me sit with them, so I ended up sitting by myself in the back next to a kid who talked to himself under his breath the whole way there and kept poking me with his pencil."

I paused for a minute, breathing carefully through my nose. This was starting to get to me, causing a tightening feeling in my chest that I didn't quite know how to deal with anymore. It made me wince, and I reached a hand up to tug gently on my eyebrow ring. My mom hated when I did that, hated it almost even more than the fact that I had a piercing on my face, which was honestly why I'd gotten it in the first place- just to piss her off. She was convinced if I so much as touched it then I was going to rip it out, or get bacteria in it that would cause some horrible infection that would leave me blind, but I just couldn't help it. It was a little thing I'd been doing for awhile; causing myself a little discomfort to force myself back down into reality, no matter how unpleasant it was.

Beck batted my hand down away from my face. "Stop it."

"Sorry," I muttered.

He looked at me, but I didn't meet his gaze. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." I cleared my throat. "Okay, so, once we got to the school, I walked in and I could tell that everyone was dressed basically the same way as the people on my bus. I stuck out like a sore thumb, but I smiled at everyone and managed to find my way to my classroom. My teacher had the best intentions, I know, but when she called me up to introduce me to the class, it was basically the last nail in my coffin: 'Class, this is Jadelyn West. She's a new student here and I want you to be very nice to her, okay?'

Once she said my full name, the whispering started again-"

"Wait, your name is Jadelyn?" Beck interrupted.

"Yes," I replied defensively. "Go ahead, laugh. I know it's weird."

"I wasn't going to say that," he assured me.

I crossed my arms, still not quite believing him.

"Jadelyn." He pronounced my full name thoughtfully, carefully- it rolled off his tongue like a song. "Jadelyn," He said again. "That's not weird. At all. That's beautiful."

From the tone of his voice, I could tell he meant it. "You're the first one to think so."

"What do you mean?"

"Like I was saying, as soon as she said my full name, the whispering started again. No one in the class had ever met someone with a name like that, and when you combined that with everything else, I was just completely wrong, in every possible way. There was no way to recover, either. They just made up their minds right then not to like me."

"So..."

"So... that was when the teasing started," I replied. I tried to laugh it off like it was no big, but my throat got caught, making me sound strangled. I guess I wasn't as over it as I'd thought I was. "For the rest of that day, and the entire year, actually, they made fun of my name, calling me Jadeloser. During recess, when everyone would be playing tag and the teachers weren't watching, girls would tag me and hit me so hard I fell down in the mulch and get dirt all over my dress. Once I was all dirty, they'd chase me around, calling me Cinderella. And they'd pull my hair, and yank my hair ties out of it and hide them. They even used to me to a tree with a jump rope and threw balls at my face. To this day, I still have a few scars on my wrists from rope burn. That's why I have that star tattooed on my arm- to hide them."

I took a moment to look up at Beck. He just stared at me, agape, arms frozen around my waist. He reached a shaky hand out to gently trace over the faint marks that hid under the ink of my tattoo. He started to open his mouth, like he was going to speak, but closed it without saying a word. He clearly had no idea how to respond to anything I was saying, so I just kept plowing forward, wanting to finish before I lost my nerve.

"At lunch, I'd open my lunchbox to find my food either gone or covered in bugs. I'd go in my backpack and find notes that said "Jadelyn is a joke" or "Go back, West" along with all of my pencils broken in half and my homework torn to shreds. I begged my parents to help me, but they just didn't believe me. I guess they didn't think that kids could be that cruel. The teachers turned a blind eye, too, because most of the people that were making my life hell had parents on the school board.

"I had to learn to take care of myself. I started keeping a change of clothes and an extra sandwich in my backpack, and copied my homework every night just in case something happened to it. I learned to bite back the pain, and swallow everything down like it didn't bother me. I know now that's not the best thing to do- it can make you bitter. God knows, I know that. But I didn't know what else to do, so I just held my tongue and hoped it'd stop.

"It didn't, though. All of this continued for the next two years, until I went to middle school. I thought that things might finally get better there, but, as usual, I was wrong. Middle school is when people's claws really start to come out, you know? And it didn't help that most of the people that had been so awful to me in elementary school ended up going to the same middle school."

"So, what happened?" Beck asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Shh. I'm getting there." I shifted my weight in his lap. "Let me know if I start hurting you, okay?"

He scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous, Jade. I'm fine. Keep going."

I smiled a little bit. "I auditioned for a play in sixth grade, because my parents were going to be late picking me up and I had nothing else to do. The day the cast list went up, I saw that I had gotten a part. I was so excited. I didn't really have any friends to tell, so I told the boy who sat next to me in language arts. He just looked at me and was, like, 'You're pathetic, Jade. And a liar. I already told everyone you didn't get in. We all knew you wouldn't.'

"I tried to tell him that I did get a part, and that he'd just made a mistake, but he just brushed me off. I decided to just ignore it. I finally had something that was all mine. I loved drama club- it was the first place I'd felt comfortable since we moved here. I even made a couple of friends, for the first time in years. But the drama club was kind of at the bottom of the school totem pole, even lower than where I'd been before. All the popular kids would call us freaks, steal our props, shred our scripts, or fill our costume bin with shaving cream. Once, I went to my locker and found 'Jadelyn is a drama-loving dyke' written on it in permanent marker." I shivered a little bit. I had no problem at all with gay people- some of my best friends were gay- but I hated that word, and saying it left a bitter taste in my mouth. "But I kept doing it, because it made me so happy- I figured I could handle the teasing, right? I mean, I'd been putting up with it for years at this point, so not much fazed me anymore.

"But then, in eighth grade, we were doing our final performance, and when we took our bows I got hit in the head with a book- our classmates were throwing things at us. I ran away as fast as I could down the hall, trying not to cry while this enormous bump started coming up on my forehead. It took days for that thing to go away. My teachers tried to help the situation. They gave everyone who'd thrown stuff detention, but it was just too little, too late. They'd ignored me for so long that, when the bullying really started to escalate, there was nothing they could do. They just told me to try and stick it out until graduation.

I paused to take a breath. "Graduation. That's what I count as a major turning point. I was so excited to be done with middle school. I had bought the prettiest dress to wear to the ceremony, and my mom had let me get my hair and nails done.

"My drama teacher had heard me singing one day, just messing around before rehearsal started, and I had really impressed her, so she'd asked me to sing the National Anthem at the beginning of the ceremony. I was sure that this was going to be my chance to really show up everyone. So after we all marched in, the principal called me up to the microphone. I wasn't nervous, really. I just don't get that way. The music started, and I started singing.

I paused again, taking a moment to regroup my thoughts so I could choose the right words for what I wanted to say. "I sang the shit out of that song, Beck. I tore that fucker a new one, adding all these cool little riffs to it, making it completely my own. I never wavered or switched keys. I had practiced for so long."

I felt my face crumble slightly, biting the corner of my lip as I felt my smile starting to fade. "But it didn't matter. I got booed anyway. And even though all the people that were booing got escorted out and weren't allowed to walk at the ceremony, it still really hurt my feelings. I had worked so hard on that song. I thought I sounded really good, but I guess I didn't. And I'd been so proud of myself, so ready to show them, and they just stomped all over that." I cast my eyes downward, gazing at my feet, trying to pull myself together before I turned into a huge mess.

Beck used his pointer finger to tip my chin up so I was looking him straight in the eye. "I'm sure it was wonderful," he said, face crinkling into a smile. "I've heard you sing. You have a beautiful voice, Jade."

That was unexpected. "What?" I breathed.

He looked puzzled. "I said, you have a beautiful-"

"No, no, I heard that," I blurted, still confused. "What I meant was, when the hell have you heard me sing?"

He blushed a little, redness rising in his cheeks.

Oh, Jesus, that was adorable. Shit. Focus, West!

"I heard you working in the studio the other day, after school. I had just gotten out of rehearsal, and I was walking down the hall to go to my car when I heard this... voice. I had to know who it was, so I walked in as quietly as I could, and it was you. You had your back to me, and were in your own little world- you had no idea I was watching you. You were just sitting there, banging on that piano, singing your heart out to this- this song..."

"'Okay'." I replied.

"All right, fine, I'll stop-"

"No, no, the song I was singing was called 'Okay'," I muttered.

"Right." He nodded in agreement. "It was really good. Like I told you after class the other day, you are so much more talented than you give yourself credit for. Most people here, they have huge egos, but you don't seem to at all."

I shrugged. "And now you know why." He nodded. "I was really surprised when I got in here, actually. I only auditioned because I didn't want to spend another year at the same high school as all those people that were such assholes to me. High school is supposed to be the best time of your life. I just... couldn't go through all that again." I fiddled with the stray threads on my skirt. These memories were still painful, even though everything had happened such a long time ago.

"I totally understand. And I'm so glad you're here, and that I get to have the privilege of knowing you. And I'm glad that you felt like you could trust me with all of that. I know that couldn't have been easy to tell me."

I shook my head. "No, not at all, actually. I just... felt like it was something that you needed to know. Everyone thinks I'm just this huge, callous bitch who doesn't give a fuck about anyone, but it's not true. I care a lot. I guess I just have trouble showing that. It's hard for me to let people in. I'm so used to having to be tough, I forget that not everyone is out to get me anymore." I paused. "And I think it goes without saying that if you repeat any of this, I will have your ass, Oliver. I mean it."

He laughed. "Deal."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sorry it took me so long to update! Thank you all so much for your positive feedback and patience. This is the longest chapter I've written so far, so I hope you enjoy it.

As always, reviews are welcome and appreciated! :)


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